I realize that many women – whether they are moms already, or only at the pregnancy stage – mask their true feelings. It’s almost as if a secret rule book has been passed around, the contents of which contain what is and what’s not appropriate to say. This book also tells women how they should react to certain situations.
Take the fact that I’m scared out of my mind about being pregnant. No one could understand my initial reaction to the news.
“But aren’t you thrilled?” one nurse asked me when she saw the shocked look on my face after being given the news.
“You should be excited,” another said with a cursory look, visibly huffing at the fact that I wasn’t jumping up and down in glee.
The simply truth is that of anything in life, this is the one thing I’ve been most afraid of – since childhood. I can literally remember being a very small girl and telling my mom I would never get married and never have babies. There wasn’t one time that I played with my dolls as if they were children – no, these toys were my friends, my students, my peers. Anything but my children. Never once did I envision changing diapers and giving a baby a bottle as something that should be dreamed about and fawned over.
But here I am – being scared, and being honest about it. I didn’t receive the secret rule book that other women get when they find out they’re going to be a mother. Perhaps that means the rules don’t apply to me, but more likely I will only keep getting incredulous looks when I speak openly and honestly about my fears and anxieties.
You know what, though? I am actually getting excited. It may be taking me longer than most, but I know that this can only be a good thing. God’s in it, and will see me through – even if that means I walk with my eyes closed tight while letting him lead the way! I can’t imagine a better way to do it.